And Bah Humbug!
Not that its really a horrible day or anything, just had to put it out there for my introvert acquaintances, my “I hate this season” peeps out there, and those who are just coming up a little short one the “joyous” holiday spirit.
And for those brothers and sisters of service in uniform – thank you for holding the watch. I salute you wherever you are.
Christmas – Hannukwanzamus – holidays, etc., whatever you call it for you, is a special time of year. I look at it now and think – what does this mean to me? Well….its not the same as it was when I was younger. I remember not being able to sleep at all, anxious to see what was in the stocking and under the tree for me and my siblings. Sometimes all six of us would retreat into one room and try to sleep but mostly end up staying awake out of anticipation whispering aloud what we thought Santa would leave.
And you know what comes to mind when I think of that? How the hell did I do that without coffee? See? I can live without coffee!
Ahh… Today is that day that I get together with them again though. Not all six because one sister goes to her husbands family. But all the rest of us, plus our significant others and the respective kids. All descending on my mothers with bagels in tow for brunch. I think I need to go get my foam ear plugs now that I think about it. Hours of yelling and screaming and kids and dogs running through her house, bits of wrapping paper and opened empty boxes everywhere, kids that can’t remember to clear their plates, bottles of champagne opened by the twos.
The corners of my mouth twitch when I try to smile about it.
And then… we all go see a movie for a few hours while the house gets cleaned and the food gets made just to show back up for the annual party with the exended family. A lot of decadent food made by my French Chef auntie, family that I haven’t seen all year asking the same shallow questions about what I’ve been up to, how work is, and how life’s been treating me, and then a few shots of tequila or Soju and promises about keeping in touch and getting together more than once a year.
Gosh. I make it sound horrible, don’t I?
Actually its nice to see everyone. I guess I really don’t have much to complain about. One thing about hitting the 50 is that I realize I don’t really want to see everyone all the time. My family has never really been that way. And I kind of like it. It seems OK for me to admit that now. I love them all, but seriously. I like my space, and I like when I have family. But I appreciate their separation also.
Perhaps the greatest gift this year that I can think of is the one that I gave to myself: permission. Permission to be OK with who I am and what I feel. No longer having to respond according to others expectations. But to honor mine.
I hope we you all have a joyous day. Being YOU!